Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions » Communication
Our Realtor suggests that we move my mother's things out of her home before we place her home up for sale, but my mother isn't comfortable making a move until her house is sold, what should I do?
You'll have to address your mother's comfort level first, and perhaps you'll need the help of your Realtor to explain the benefits to your mother of making a move before she places her home on the market.
Many older adults feel hurried and rushed with all of the decisions which need to be made regarding moving. They are not necessarily accustomed to moving quickly and making decisions without giving things lots of time to think about.
Your mother also likely has worries that she may not like her new home, and so dragging her feet a little bit allows her to keep her options open to returning home. Speaking openly with your mother about how you understand how she may feel this way, and helping her focus on the benefits of moving may be of help to her.
Be cautious not to lose patience. Your mother may need time to process thoughts, and she may be overwhelmed with the prospect of moving. Putting together a time line she can view would likely help her. The timeline can be narrative in layout, and it should include who is going to offer their help to her with the various aspects listed. For example:
Date Goal Who is available to help
January Sort upstairs closet Mom, Jim, Sara
February Kitchen Mom, Rebecca, Jim
Listen to the reasons the Realtor is giving as to why it may be a better idea that your mother is moved out before placing her home on the market. Here are valid reasons why your mother may, perhaps move first:
If your mother has decorated in a way that may not meet the tastes of the average home-buying American off the street, then making a move may allow the Realtor to stage the home or condo in a way that attracts more potential buyers, yielding then likely a higher price.
If your mother has her house in disarray because she is in the process of sorting and downsizing, it is a valid reason to make the move first before placing the home on the market.
If your mother has deferred maintenance of the home, it may be wise to first have her move. This will allow you to hire handypeople to make repairs, cosmetic changes and to ready the home for sale. If your mother has memory loss, Realtors may find that they are disrupting her or making her more anxious by having strangers in her home. If your mother has memory loss or dementia, it really is in her best interest to make the move before listing the home for sale.
It may be that your mother feels she needs the money from the sale of her home to have the comfort of paying the monthly services fees in the community where she will be living. Work with the Realtor to define a range of projected time it will take to sell and close the sale of the home. If you are able to show your mother that a more favorable price can be obtained, it may offset the expense of four to six months of payments to the Retirement or Assisted Living community she is moving to.
These are invalid reasons to make the move first:
If the Realtor says it's "easier" on him or her to show the home or for other Realtors to show the home, don't buy into this. It is true that it may be "easier," but the Realtor isn't balancing out your mother's needs. You need to work with a Realtor who is sensitive to your mother's needs and can balance out the marketability of the home with taking care of your mother.
If the Realtor says that he or she feels you won't get as high of a price if the home or condo is occupied, ask for the specific reason as to why he or she feels this way. Outline these reasons on paper for your mother so that she has time to make up her own mind. If your Realtor can't substantiate the numbers, you may want to question him or her a bit more in-depth.
People seldom get very far by trying to "convince" an older adult what to do. You are much more likely to get an older adult to take action if you print out in 14 point font, computer-generated, simple to understand and easy to read pieces of information for your mother to digest and to think about.
Keep things short and concise, and avoid wording that makes it sound like you're giving direction to your parent.
For assistance with arranging for in-home care or for help choosing a senior housing or care community call CHOICE at 800-361-0138.
Last update: 2007-03-23 15:21
Author: Support
Revision: 1.1
