Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions » Communication
Whenever I bring up the subject of moving, my mother just “shuts me down” by telling me she’s not going to talk about it. Is there something else I can do to engage her in conversation?
There can be so many reasons why she may not be willing to talk about this subject. The primary reason is that they are fearful. Fear is frequently an unfounded emotion, based on perceptions and internal beliefs. As it relates to moving and making an entirely new life for oneself, though, fear is an understandable emotion.
You may consider writing your mother a one page letter. Forcing yourself to use no more than one page written in 14 font print may help get your message across in a different way. Avoid using language such as "you have to" or "this is what I think…" Instead, consider using phrases such as "this is how I feel…" or "my worry for you is…"
It's best to avoid any type of threat of "putting someone somewhere." This is a common mistake people make. This is a very old concept - but one that strikes fear in many older adults. They are unaware of the pleasant and service-oriented, luxurious living options available to them. They're thinking the family wants to put them in a "home", which means "nursing home" to most senior. Fortunately, the term "home" has radically changed over the ten years. Senior living options foster independence while taking away the burdens and worries of maintaining a home and doing other cumbersome chores.
It may actually take giving your mother more than one letter, but be consistent in your message and always ask her to tell you when she's willing to talk. At some point, she may grow more accustomed to the idea and actually look to you to help her make decisions.
Last update: 2007-05-07 20:36
Author: Tech Support
Revision: 1.0
