Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions » Communication
My mother was willing to visit the places that CHOICE suggested. I’m glad to say she was pleasantly surprised. She’s even contemplating the move now. There’s one thing she keeps saying, and that’s “I don’t really want to live around all of those old people.” She’s 87 herself. What do I say to her?
What your mother is saying to you is an honest and common statement made by most people moving into retirement or assisted living. She is saying that she doesn't feel that she looks and acts like the other people she saw when she visited the retirement communities. Her comment may also be very true. If your mother is active and accustomed to doing things on her own, she is likely less in need of support services than many other people. What people forget is that residents living in retirement living may have lived there for ten or more years, and they have "aged in place." They have grown to become more dependent upon staff and they may become more frail as they reach their 90's or even 100's.
In all senior living communities there is a broad spectrum of people with varying levels of need. Particularly in communities that offer retirement and assisted living, you may see people who still work and people who can barely get up out of a chair without assistance. Unfortunately, growing frail of body and mind are typically a part of aging, and it is a process that will also occur with your mother. You can give her some reassurance by confirming that she's indeed not like most of the older people living in the retirement community, but also give her praise and show her gratitude for being willing to make the move while she still has the energy and desire to make her own decisions.
It's also possible that your mother doesn't actually recognize that she is beginning to need help. Aging is a gradual process, much like gaining weight. A person who gains fifty pounds in a period of five years likely doesn't "feel" that much different than they did five years ago if they are in good health; but they do, indeed look different than they think they do. The same holds true for aging. A person's age really isn't all that important; neither is a person's "looks". A person's energy level, desire to contribute and experience and to be involved is more of what defines a person's age. There are 50 year olds who look 70 and there are 90 year olds who you would swear are 70.
Last update: 2007-05-08 01:36
Author: Tech Support
Revision: 1.0
