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How to convince a parent that it’s time to move
How do we know when its time for mom or dad to leave their home and seek supportive living? Maybe they’ve had an incident in the house. It may be a fall on the stairs, a medication mishap, a plumbing disaster. If we are fortunate, the idea to move usually begins with one small event. The less fortunate usually experience crisis and often that crisis is related to health.
Experience tells us that those enlightened enough to plan ahead will have a better quality of life and certainly a larger part in the decision to move, if and when it becomes necessary. The adult children of aging and frail parents are often faced with the task of convincing them that moving from their home will be necessary to prolong their life.
If we stop for a minute to consider this task, we will discover many things about our parents. Many, well into their eighties or nineties have lived through some of the toughest times in history. They experienced the great depression, WWII and the Cold War. They are the stiff upper lip generation who learned to stand on their own and fend for themselves. For many, asking for help is a sign of failure riddled with shame. Many had one job, one wife, one house. Change does not come easy. Some fought in combat, raised large families and owned businesses. The idea of not being able to live independently in their home is not only strange and frightening, but when the suggestion to move comes from your child, it must be an unwelcome request.
We hear many adult children say, my parents are getting so frail it seems now I’m the parent. Understanding that your parents are adults and have ideas and choices to make will help you as you approach the discussion of moving. You may not be able to convince them of anything. They may have to arrive at the decision on their own. You can, however, take the lead in this often difficult project.
You may not be able to convince them to move, but you and others can illustrate to them how their lives, and yours, will improve if they do. You might call upon a long standing business associate or even a friend who has successfully made the move. Often a trusted friend or physician can help. They are authority figures and they are not family, which makes it easier for the older adult to accept the recommendation to move.
As adult children, we must be cautious not to tell our parents what’s best for them. They are, after all, our parents. They have been doing things for us all their lives. Why not ask them to do this for you? If you have been doing double duty shopping, taking them to the doctor, doing their yard work, they may begin to understand how this impacts your life. This will be especially pertinent if you are a member of the sandwich generation caring for your own children at the same time.
Help your parents feel that the decision is theirs. The sooner you open the discussion the easier it will be. It seems that what our parents fear most is losing control. The longer they wait to make a decision the more inevitable that loss of control will be.
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Last update: 2007-05-05 22:01
Author: Tech Support
Revision: 1.1
