Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions » Health care
My mother needs more care than my father. They want to stay together, but I can’t see my father doing well in a care setting. How do I best help them decide what to do?
The fact that men are living longer is making this become a more frequent problem. When couples have varying care needs, it is the couple who needs to decide where they are going to live and what services they are willing to accept.
Many people prefer to arrange for in-home care to help support them with their daily needs and to help with household chores. You may find that having a caregiver come to complete certain tasks helps alleviate the burden of your father caring for your mother. Consider having the caregiver stay for a little extra time one or two times a week. This will allow your father some time to get away and do something he would like to do on his own. If your mother has memory loss and she does OK getting out of the house with the caregiver to run errands, they could have lunch together or to just take a drive; this may be of help to your father as well. Having time to rest without the constant worry of being there for your mother may be all he needs to recharge his batteries.
Some spouses don't do well with being the caregiver. You may need to help them make some hard decisions about living in separate places, with arranged time to be together. You may also find that your father doesn't mind moving into a community where other people need more care than he requires. By making a move to a care community, he can be relieved of the primary concerns of caring for your mother. He may become friends with other people in his same situation; or he may be capable of getting out and doing other things in the community, which will give him the balance he needs in life.
Last update: 2007-05-07 20:46
Author: Tech Support
Revision: 1.0
