Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions » Getting started
Is there a formula for downsizing?
There is a process most people go through when downsizing, but it isn't a perfect science.
Knowing where you will be moving next is perhaps key to the decisions you are making regarding what you will keep, what you will share with family members or friends, and what you will sell or donate. Planning out your future living space requires a floorplan and an understanding of what activities you'll be doing in your new home.
If you're moving to a retirement community, you likely won't be cooking much, if at all. Many retirement and assisted living apartments have kitchenettes, but they are there primarily to help bridge the mental gap between living in a private home or apartment and making a move to a retirement community. The majority of people living in retirement and assisted living rarely use any part of their kitchen, as tremendous meals and snacks are available throughout the day. People tend to quickly grow accustomed to this gracious lifestyle of dining. Unless you enjoy baking, it could be that you need very little utensils, pots, pans and dishes.
It is admitedly difficult for older adults to part with their cherished possessions and furniture. Cherished possessions may be shared with family members, and the older adult may keep a smaller collections of these cherished possessions to use or display in their new home.
Furniture can create problems for people. Because older adults may have a predisposition to being frugal or more practical with their money, they may not readily give up their current furniture and may not be willing to purchase new furniture. The positive side of taking some of their current furniture is that their new home is likely to feel more like their previous home. Having some things around us that are familiar can give us comfort. The downside to taking furniture out of a family home and placing it into an apartment is that the size of items may be overwhelming for the new space.
Making choices as to what to take is important. Making a list of which items are a priority, and what items a person is willing to share with family members or sell is of help to the process. Perhaps a person has a list of five key furniture items they want to take with them to their new home, but the new space will only accommodate three. By prioritizing the items and by creating a floorplan for the new living space, you will have a better understanding of what you should and shouldn't take with you and what furniture items may be wiser to replace with a new purchase. Items which often create a problem are beds. Bedrooms of senior living communities aren't necessarily designed to accommodate large dressers and bedroom sets. Being realistic about what fits and what doesn't is a conversation worth having.
Some older adults may tend to go overboard when downsizing. If it's at all possible to warehouse some furniture items or personal belongings in storage, it may be wise to do so for six months or a year, to ensure that the person won't regret giving away or selling something. The storage may cost $80 a month, but storing items is like buying insurance against the need to give something away that may cause regret or the need to repurchase the very same replacement item.
If an older adult wishes to share their furniture and personal belongings with family members, it is helpful to have a family member make an inventory of items. Post-it notes can help denote which items an older adult wishes to keep, which items they wish to go to other people, which items they wish to sell and which items they wish to donate to charity.
Older adults need the support of family members to be honest as to whether or not they can take the furniture or possessions the older adults wishes to give them. Telling an older adult that their things are not "wanted" or needed may be insulting to them; but it may be even more insulting to them to have you take an item that you susequently then sell or discard. Keep in mind, as well, that not all older adults want to give away their possessions and furniture. They may prefer selling the items.
Selling items is typically the next stage of downsizing. Items can be sold on the Internet or at consignment stores. Estate and garage sales are also a possibility; however, they tend to net very little money in sales. Regardless of how items are sold, it is a bit disheartening that the price things sell for on a resale basis is surprisingly low. With what items are remaining, a decision must be made as to whether the items are given to charity or if they will be discarded.
Key to this entire process is having an inventory. If someone in the family knows how to use Excel, creating a spreadsheet with columns of items, priorities and where the item is to go is helpful.
Although a parent or parents may be too frail to carry or move furniture or to sort through items, for some reason, most older adults feel it is their personal responsibility to do so. And it is always better to sort and to make decisions about things in shorter, more frequent periods of time, involving the older adult in the entire process.
The children of older adults are accustomed to moving a lot faster than their elderly parents, so it's important for everyone to remind themselves that this is a process and not a Saturday afternoon project. Sorting through fifty-five years of memories requires that a person have time to reminisce, decide, reflect and talk. It is not unusual for this process to take three to six months. Although everyone goes through a transition period of feeling a bit lost and experiencing a bit of loss, the more time placed into planning and involved decisions, the less an older adult is likely to have regrets and feelings of loss.
When parents do mention loss, it's important to recognize their loss. Even if they haven't opened a box for thirty years, that box contains a memory, and it can signify a previous life of independence and strength. In the position they are in, they are recognizing that they are becomming more dependent, and this takes time to accept and embrace.
If you live in a different town other than where your parent or parents live, consider hiring an in-home care agency or senior moving specialist to help support your family in this process.
The good news, though, is that shedding oneself of furniture and possessions can actually be enlightening. As our health declines and our energy fades, people tend to place less value in "stuff" and more value on relationships and on enjoying the moment - all of which has nothing to do with seven foot sofas or a silver plated tea set.
For assistance with arranging for in-home care or for help choosing a senior housing or care community call CHOICE at 800-361-0138.
Last update: 2007-03-23 15:23
Author: Support
Revision: 1.1
